Dear God: No Work Today

Dear God,

Here I am again. I am home without work this morning. So as was my promise I am using the time to search for another job or to write. I get some job announcements in email and was checking email this morning. There were no jobs for me. I continued through my email list and have it almost all empty. I ran across Cleo’s last reply to me. Much of my cohort from New Pathways to Teaching in New Jersey either got jobs right away or have moved on to something else. Cleo and I stuck together right through graduation and went on to Special Education certification. Cleo is working now and I am not. Being a substitute forever would be okay if I was called for a full day of work near home every day.

It’s not that I’m jealous that it’s her that is working and not me, but why not me too? I have been asking what your plan is for me for about a year now, and asking for that plan to come to fruition soon. How long do I have to wait?

I want to be open to your plan. How is your plan revealed? There are many times I thought I knew your plan and followed it but it didn’t work out. Maybe I didn’t persist long enough and wait to see you in action. One thing I have labored and persisted long for is teaching. I see nothing happening. Substitute teaching is only leaving me further and further behind. As there are new trainings and professional development available to teachers who have positions and I cannot afford any more school I see how things are changing and the education I invested in holds less and less value.

When do I give up and find a different day job that will pay the bills while I pursue writing during the alternate hours.

Wait. Have faith. Be still. Will you provide?

Other voices say don’t wait; make a new plan; go in a new direction. But every new direction I take leads to nowhere. Fellow human beings do not want me to be dependent on them. But, they do want me to be in good health and able to work when and how they want.